I’m sure all of you have this marked and circled on your calendars, but my birthday is quickly approaching. I’m getting to the age where I’m finding there’s not much I need for my birthday anymore. Although if you were planning on buying me an iPhone or something, feel free to proceed as planned. Long gone are the days where I had a huge list of things I wanted for presents and you eventually hit a certain age where you can pretty much eat anywhere you want anytime you want, so it’s not as big a deal to go to a certain restaurant for your special day. I would love to go to the Bump ‘n Tilt though. That’s a North Dakota reference for those scratching their heads right now. It was THE place to have your birthday party when I was a lad. All the videogames and bumper cars you could play for one price all afternoon plus frozen Cokes.

Anyway….as I age, I find I value the little things more. For a day like my birthday, just getting to spend some extra time with my family or share some laughs at work is enough.

Yesterday something happened that I believe is the best early birthday present a guy could ask for.

When I went to pick up my son from his therapy center yesterday they were excited to tell me a story. They said a few minutes after I dropped Josiah off earlier that day, he started to get sad. They figured he wanted a certain toy or maybe was hungry or something. So they asked him what he wanted. He said, ‘Dad.’

For many of you reading this that might just sound like a cute story but nothing overly remarkable. But for the parent of a child with autism, that’s pure gold. We are so fortunate that our little guy is verbal, but calling us by the names ‘Dad’ or ‘Mom’ is something that really doesn’t ever happen. He did use those words a bit before he was 18 months when we noticed him regress into autism, but ever since it’s been few and far between.

Most days it doesn’t even dawn on me that I don’t get called ‘Dad.’ I’m just happy we’re making the progress we are and that he does use a lot of words. But I’ll have to admit I see other kids running up to their parents and saying ‘Daddy!’ and I start hurting inside a bit. 

It was the perfect day for this to happen too (and not just because my birthday is approaching). I had kind of a crappy day yesterday before I picked him up. Nothing too serious…just tired and feeling a bit down. But to get the news I did sure gave me a huge boost.

So when my birthday comes around next week, I really don’t need anything else (although if you already bought me something you might as well still give it to me and I will happily accept it!). Just knowing that my little guy said my name and also was missing me is present enough.

My son has an interesting language he uses to speaks to us. Most of it is pretty easily understandable (to us at least). It’s mostly of the one word variety right now and it’s pretty functional stuff like “cake,” “milk,” etc. He also has some nice two-word combos he’s been throwing out too like “get out,” “climb up,” and “let go!”

Usually we can understand what he’s trying to tell us and even if it’s not necessarily the correct word we know what he means because we first heard him say it in a certain context. For instance, he might say “handle” which we right away know he wants us to sing the song “I’m a little teapot.”

Well a couple of weeks ago he looked at us and said “ma ca ca.” He said it innocently enough but when we didn’t respond appropriately he really started to get ticked. “MA CA CA!” For the life of us we couldn’t figure out what this meant. My wife thought, “perhaps he wants us to sing the Macarena?” I didn’t think he’d ever heard that song but I started singing it anyway (which by the way is not as easy a song to sing as you’d think if you don’t really know the words other than ‘heyyy Macarena.’)

Apparently that wasn’t it so we started to drag out every toy the kid owns to see if that’s what ‘ma ca ca’ was. He finally got over it and we breathed a sigh of relief. We didn’t even remember it the next day until once again out of the blue our little dude started persistenly asking for ‘MA CA CA!” Oh no, not again!

So this went on for a while…we’d get a reprieve for a few days and then this ‘ma ca ca’ business would start up again. We’d jokingly shake our fists and rue the day ‘ma ca ca’ ever came into our lives.

Then one morning my wife happened to pick up our son’s plastic harmonica and was playing it for him when he first woke up (nothing better than starting your day with the soothing sounds of the harmonica!). All of a sudden our son smiled and said “Ma Ca Ca!” Ohhhh…Harmonica! I guess that makes sense. He used to just call it ‘ca’ so I’m surprised we didn’t figure that one out sooner.

So our sleuthing is over for now until the next “ma ca ca” surfaces. I guess I’ll use the downtime until then to learn the real words to the Macarena in case he starts liking that song.

We’ve been interested in starting my son on MB12 shots for quite a while. He’s been taking B12 drops for several months, but a lot of the research we’ve been doing seems to point to the shots as being the most effective form of administering B12.

So we went through the process of getting a prescription for the shots. At the doctor appointment for this, I figured our son would get a shot that day; we would be able to learn how to do the shots; and then we would get a prescription that we could bring to our local pharmacy.

Well, as with most things these days, it wasn’t that easy. They didn’t actually give him a shot. Turns out too that you have to have the B12 compounded at a special pharmacy which is then mailed to you. As the appointment was drawing to a close I asked, “So….where do we give him the shot? In the butt?”

The doctor realized he needed to show us how to give the shots but all he had was an empty syringe that he demonstrated on a latex glove. Surprisingly that doesn’t give you much confidence to actually give it on your own to a toddler who will likely squirm and resist more than an inanimate object.

Our syringes eventually arrived in the mail and we were ready to inject away. The night before we were going to start giving our son the shots, my wife went online and viewed some videos about how to give the shots correctly. I could tell she was fairly nervous about being the one to give him the shot. As I went to sleep that night I thought, “Hmmmm. Too bad she doesn’t have someone to practice a shot on.” Then it occurred to me, “Wait a second! I have a butt! She can practice on me!”

I was going to tell her my idea that night, but figured for some reason she wouldn’t go for it. The next morning rolled around and I saw my wife was still apprehensive about being the shot-giver. So I just kind of lazily threw out my idea about her giving a shot to me so she could practice and I could tell her if it hurt at all.

I kind of expected her to nix the idea and say that she didn’t want to waste a syringe. But to my surprise, her eyes lit up and she said, “That’s a great idea!”

Suddenly this didn’t seem like such a good idea to me anymore! I thought she wouldn’t go for it but would be impressed by my willingness to ‘take one for the team.’ But now the reality was that I had talked her into giving me a needle into my precious buttocks.

I decided to take the tactic that any kid would take. I stalled. I spent a good 5 or 10 minutes going to the bathroom. Oh, and I better freshen up a bit too. Finally my wife had enough of my procrastinating and she came running after me with the needle. This was not how I envisioned my morning going!

I eventually relented, pulled down my pants and sprawled across the bed. A few seconds later, I had a fresh helping of MB12 in my rear and my wife felt confident on how to give these shots. It really didn’t hurt that bad (it’s a pretty small needle) and I did feel good knowing I helped out a bit.

So I guess sometimes you do have to take one for the team. But if anyone ever needs an enema, I’ll tell you right now you’ll have to find another butt to practice on.

As hard as I’ve tried throughout my life, I just can’t seem to get away from the soap opera ”Days of Our Lives.” It all started back in high school when some friends of mine introduced me to it. At first I couldn’t stand it, but then I found myself getting sucked in when I would watch it in the break room of my department store summer job.

I definitely couldn’t shake “Days” during college as pretty much everyone watched it over lunch in the lounge areas. Once I graduated and entered the real world, I thought my days with the fictional town of Salem were long gone, but “Days” was a constant during lunch at my current job (which is funny because I work mainly with guys and we all needed our daily “Days” fix).

It seemed like everyone had their favorite characters. The girls all liked the hunky guy characters whether it was Bo or John Black (with his patented ’smell the fart’ style of acting). Us guys were supposed to like one of the hot gals or at least one of the more macho guys. For some reason the guy I always rooted for was Abe Carver, Commander of the Salem Police Department (played by actor James Reynolds).

I don’t know why I was drawn to Abe. I think it was because he’s one of those underdog characters that has been on the show forever, never really got the good story lines, and was generally a good guy. Plus he’s got an impeccably groomed mustache.

My friends and I even decided to all write to our favorite actors to see if we could get some pictures to decorate our office walls. I wrote to James “Abe” Reynolds and eventually received an autographed picture. If I can dig it up I’ll scan it and post it here.

So where am I going with all of this? Well I thought I had finally parted ways with “Days” for good as I haven’t watched it for a few years now. Oh sure, from time to time I wonder what kind of shenanigans the gang from Salem are up to these days, but I’ve managed to give up “Days” without too many withdrawals.

I recently learned though that beginning on June 24th, “Days” will unveil a storyline where Abe and his wife on the show Lexie will begin to learn that their 3-year-old son Theo has autism. The head writer of the show has a child with autism and this inspired her to create a storyline involving autism. She worked closely with Autism Speaks to tell this story with as much respect as possible. You can read more about it here.

This should be really interesting to see how they handle this. Perhaps it will help families who have concerns that their child isn’t developing normally. Or it might just help educate those who don’t know much about autism.

So I guess I’ll be taping “Days” again. I don’t know that I’ll totally get sucked back in again though. I’ll just fast-foward to the parts with Abe. I always knew I picked a good character to root for.

Back in the day during my brief acting ‘career’ I was fortunate to land most of the roles I wanted. Whether it was a small role in the first play I tried out for or a leading turn in one of my last, I usually fell into what I hoped for. Of course it didn’t hurt that sometimes there weren’t enough guys trying out for the roles, but that doesn’t make this story sound so sexy.

So I figured fatherhood would be similar to some of these plays. I’d try out for the role of ‘Dad,’ I’d get the part, and I would carry out the scenes. Well somewhere along the way someone changed the script on me and I fear I’ll never learn the lines.

Just when I think I’m starting to get a handle on being the ‘autistic dad’ I get thrown some serious curveballs. It only seems like days ago that my wife wrote a great post about how we were turning the corner and the veil of autism seemed to be lifting. Then came the last few days. How can I describe them succinctly for you? Well there were lots of tantrums, breakdowns, and hair pulling. Josiah had a rough weekend too.

I think I had a good two nervous breakdowns on Saturday alone. It’s funny how it just takes a few things going wrong all at once and suddenly the world comes crashing back down to reality. In between some regressions/spaciness/whatever-you-want-to-call-it from my son, I had some opportunities to see just how I’m falling short in pretty much everything in my life these days.

First off I made the mistake of trying to assemble a wagon by myself. My wife and I had agreed that I would go to Toys ‘R Us, purchase a wagon for our son, and spend the extra $10 for them to assemble it. Well, the clerk there assured me that pretty much any idiot could assemble this thing and not to waste my extra money for him to do it for me. So I took his advice, and about 90 minutes later after starting it, I had indeed put the wagon together, and nearly destroyed myself in the process. I got so pissed at that stupid wagon…nothing seemed to fit the way it was supposed to and I kept hammering my $@!%#!# thumb. I wanted to just chuck that wagon down the driveway and utter some unmentionables. But since there were plenty of neighbors out, I decided to go inside and keep my cool. So I go inside to find my son still up when he was supposed to be napping…he was cranky and as is his choice lately, he was not eating the expensive organic/natural food we buy for him.

Eventually I calmed down somehow and in the end our son did nap, he ate at least one chicken nugget at some point, and the wagon didn’t fall apart the first time we used it. Later that day we went to the park which was also fairly disastrous. Our son cried most of the time there and all I got to do was watch all the other parents with their normal children having a blast as we packed it up to go home (in the wagon though!).

Then I got to mow the lawn and see what a crappy ‘green thumb’ I am. Let’s the put the mower back in the garage…oh great I can see the car is leaking something. Well I can bring it in on Monday morning on the way to our son’s eye doctor appointment….oh yeah, he’ll have to wear his back-up pair there as the good ones are broken and will take a few weeks to get fixed.

Seriously, there are some days where I just wonder how much more I can take. Just when I start seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, we end up taking several steps back. Every day my heart breaks more and I just feel like someone is continually punching me in the gut.

Like I said earlier, I thought I had auditioned for and won the part of the dad who got to do all the things I dreamed of doing some day with my child. I couldn’t wait to throw a ball together, chase each other around the park, have all sorts of adventures together. For the most part I’ve yet to experience any of those things. But I get to see every other family on my block living that dream. Oh, there’s the couple with the 2.5 kids we dreamed of having and they don’t have to deal with autism! Hey look over there…there’s the family having a barbecue with other families on the block! Guess our invite got lost in the mail. Perhaps because we’ve taken the mantle of being the weird family on the block now.

I don’t think anyone who doesn’t have a kid with special needs realizes how hard it is to see ‘normal’ families. Everywhere I turn whether it’s at the park, at church, or just looking out the friggin window I see people getting to do what I wish I could do. How did they get into this play I so badly wanted a part in and I’m shut out? Is it something I did or said? Did I show up late or unprepared to auditions? Does the director have some kind of vendetta against me? I would take the smallest role in this play if I could just have what they have. I’m not asking for much…I don’t expect this role to make me wealthy or famous. I just want to not have to sit by daily and watch my son suffer. Well, I suppose he doesn’t seem to be suffering too much. He often has a huge smile on his face and is pretty oblivious to his condition. But I’m the one who has to suffer and worry about what life will be like for him. How will we get all his toxins out? How the hell did he get that crap in him in the first place? Will he be able to go to school someday and make friends? The questions are limitless and they taunt me day and night. I feel like all these worries are being shouted at me like hecklers from the balcony of this theatre.

I do get to work on my acting skills all day long though. When the few friends I have left these days or people I come across ask me how I’m doing I summon those skills I learned in theatre and give my best smile and say something like, “Things are going great!” You may say I should just learn to be honest, but I learned pretty quickly when I got this part, that people don’t want to hear how you’re really doing. People love to believe that you’re some kind of strong person who’s going to set the world on fire and cure autism or something, when inside I die a slow painful death every day and am hurting more than I ever have in my life. My soul is screaming out for relief, but I just fake the smile and let the world pass me by.

Well, one thing I guess I can say is that this play I’ve managed to get myself into isn’t dull. Far from it. I was hoping to be cast in a lighthearted family comedy but it seems like I’ve unknowingly wandered onto the set of some kind of Greek tragedy.

Hopefully, someday I’ll look back at posts like this and laugh. Maybe then I’ll be cast in the role I thought I was going for. And I guess if this is where I’m meant to be, maybe I can shake some things up in the future and invest in a codpiece or some cool tights for this tragedy. At least I can look the part while doing this.

I just finished reading a great book called “The Game of My Life”by Jason McElwain. You may not recognize the name, but you’ve probably seen his story before. Jason is the young man who a couple of years ago made 6 three-pointers in a high school basketball game. That doesn’t sound that out of the ordinary, right? Well, Jason has autism and this was the only varsity game he ever played in. He served as the team manager doing things like getting water, etc. For the team’s last regular season game, he was allowed to play and entered the game with about 4 minutes to play. To say he made the most of those 4 minutes, would be a huge understatement. In case you haven’t seen his story or have forgotten, here’s a look at one of the stories on Jason that made the rounds a couple of years ago.

I remember seeing that story when it first came out and thinking it was very inspirational, but I had little understanding of what autism was. Fast forward to a couple years later….our precious little boy is diagnosed with autism and I suddenly remember that story about the kid making all those 3 pointers. Jason’s story took on a whole different significance for me in an instant.

Jason now has a book out where he talks about that big game and what it’s been like growing up autistic. Interspersed throughout the book are thoughts from his parents, his brother, coaches, and teammates. Jason’s writing is quite a freewheeling, stream-of-consciousness style which makes it all the more effective. This isn’t a polished memoir. You really get to know what life is like for this autistic teen.

It’s so remarkable to see how far he’s come in life given that he was diagnosed with severe autism as a young child. He certainly wasn’t given a prognosis for a bright future, but as you’ll read in the book, his parents never gave up on him. What impressed me most about Jason after reading this book wasn’t the fact that he made a bunch of baskets in a game, but rather that he was more concerned about his teammates ’staying focused’ during the ensuing play-off run that he didn’t play in after his big game.

In a world where autistic children are constantly being told what they won’t be able to do…it’s refreshing to read a first-hand account from someone who never stopped dreaming.

No, I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. My wife and I just returned from the recent Autism One Conference in Chicago. What a great experience this was for us.

It was almost overwhelming to be in a place where we were surrounded by fellow parents of autistic children…to be in a room with others who know exactly how we’re feeling and what it feels like to deal with the early days following the diagnosis.

My mind is still trying to process everything we learned and experienced there so I’m sure I’ll do some follow-up posts later, but here are a few highlights…

The Jenny McCarthy keynote speech was incredible. She was very inspiring and I like how she just kind of tells it like it is. At the end of her speech, they showed a trailer for an upcoming documentary that she’s involved with. I seem to recall at the end of the trailer they showed a website for her film, but at the moment I’m not having success recalling the website or finding it through google.

We went to a social they held one of the nights where we had the opportunity to chat with parents who are members of TACA which is a group that helps parents of autistic children. We were able to chat with people who have kids that are recovered or are recovering. There is no one-size-fits-all scenario when it comes to the different treatments you can do, but it was still good to hear that so many people are having success using the biomedical approach. Sometimes you hear stories of almost instantaneous recovery, but most of the parents told us it’s a slow and steady road, but that if you keep with it, you might be amazed how far your child will go.

I could list all the amazing sessions we sat through by some of the top doctors and minds that are trying to change the course of autism, but the names probably don’t mean much to anyone not affected by autism. I can just say that it was affirming to know that much is being learned about autism.

It was interesting to hear one of the speakers say that 10 years ago he used to go to autism conferences and it looked like a bunch of zombies were walking around…no one had any reason to be hopeful. But this speaker said that this year’s conference in particular was a revelation to him as he saw so many people walking around excited and that there was a real sense of hope and optimism in the air.

After sitting through the sessions and talking with other parents, I feel confident that we’re on the right track with our son. It’s going to take time, but I have a feeling that there are much brighter days ahead for us…and for countless other families that are in a similar situation.

It was also just a great chance for my wife and I to get away together for a few days. Many thanks to Grandma and ‘Pa for watching our little guy. It didn’t take long though (I’d say we were only gone for about 10 minutes or so) before we started wondering what our little guy was up to. It was sure nice to see his adorable little smiling face when we got back.

I’ve never been much of a dog lover. I have nothing against dogs per se. But for some reason, I’ve never been the type of guy who wants to own a dog, pet a dog, pick up a dog’s poop, etc. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve actually been somewhat afraid of dogs and usually try to keep my distance from them. If I’m out walking and see a dog, I’ll usually cross to the other side of the street and try not to make eye contact with them. Perhaps they won’t smell my fear and won’t come to attack me.

It’s not like I had some kind of run-in with a dog that has left me scarred. I’ve never been bitten or chased by a dog. My earliest memory of being scared of a dog was when I was just a little fella and I went fishing with family. I saw a dog pee on some tires and I freaked out and made my Dad hold me. Side note…isn’t it weird the stuff you remember? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday but I will always remember that dog peeing on those tires. Luckily the tires didn’t belong to us, so no harm, no foul I guess.

There are so many similarities between my son and I. We have the same feet, same nose, same chiseled good looks, same love of a good poop, the ability to take forever to put socks on, etc. But one thing my son is doing now I know he’s not getting from me….he seems to absolutely love dogs.

We’ve been going for walks just about every evening the past few weeks after dinner. Along the way we usually see at least 3 or 4 dogs. There’s one in particular that gets pretty close to us because the dog’s yard has one of those invisible fences. When that dog sees us he keeps running back and forth and barking like crazy. The first time this happened I thought my son would get upset or not even notice, but instead he started laughing and laughing. Every time we pass a dog now, he laughs as hard as he can. When we get past the dog, he’ll crane his neck around to get one last good look at the mutt.

Yesterday we had a nice walk and when we got home, my son was running around the driveway and the yard. A little dog from across the street came running over (the dog’s name is Jackson which is kind of a neat name for a dog I think). Jackson practically tackled my son and he just laughed and laughed (my son, not the dog). Jackson was licking him and climbing all over him. My son was so gentle with him and was just having the time of his life. Watching him with Jackson gave me a glimpse into what a ‘normal’ life must be like. For those few minutes, I wasn’t thinking about autism, or life lessons, or anything. It was just a little boy having lots of fun with a little dog.

Where did he get this love of dogs from? As you now know, not from me of course. I’ve certainly never wished dogs ill will and I’ve never taken part in an illegal dog fighting operation, but my son has never seen me give a dog too much attention. My wife had some dogs growing up, but she’s never shown any desire for us to have one now.

But our little guy just loves these four-legged little creatures. I wouldn’t bet on us owning one anytime soon (we can barely keep the carpet clean the way it is). But maybe we’ll have to pay Jackson a visit from time to time.

As I’ve mentioned before, we’ve begun to go ‘green’ in our home to keep as many toxins away from our little son as we can. So far this has mainly entailed buying organic food and switching to more natural cleaners.

The other day I got one of my first tests when I discovered the bathroom sink was clogged. In the past I would have just poured some Drano or Liquid Plumber down there and we would be good to go. But I know that stuff must be pretty nasty as there’s all sorts of warnings on the bottle and it’s been known to stink up the house pretty bad.

So off to the internet I went in search of a ‘natural’ way to unclog that drain. Now I know you’re probably thinking, “Wouldn’t the most natural method be just to pull out the junk yourself that’s in the drain?” Well, yes and no. First off, I pulled out what I could but it was pretty gross and that didn’t get everything. Also, I’m not too confident in my handyman abilities so the less poking around I do in the drain the better.

I had a sneaking suspicion that a little baking soda and/or vinegar might do the trick. It seems like one or both of those items can pretty much do anything. Seriously, you can use baking soda as a dentifrice (that’s what it says on the package…I love that word too…would be a good name for a metal band), to put out fires, to wash garbage cans, deodorize the fridge, make clay, etc.

And vinegar’s nobody’s fool either. A barber once told me I could put some vinegar on my sideburns to moisturize them. I never tried it but I’d bet it would work and I would smell great too. Also another great name for a band (the vinegar sideburns).

I ended up following some of the advice I found here and by using about a cup of baking soda and a cup of white vinegar followed 15 minutes later with some hot water, I had a clear drain in no time! Eat your heart out Drano!

It was a cheap, safe way to get the job done. Plus, when you pour the vinegar in after the baking soda, you get a cool, lava-like science experiment to enjoy for a few seconds. My luck though and the vinegar/baking soda combo will eat my pipes away or something. But for now it was a success.

Excuse me now while I go lather up those sideburns…..

I’ve been having a hard time finding the words to say how amazing a mother my wife is. She’s been great since the day we brought my son home, but I’ve seen her really shine ever since we’ve been dealing with autism in our lives. All mothers deserve a nice day today, but man these mothers of autistic children should get a little extra recognition today.

My wife does everything for our family. I love you hon and I hope you have a great day!